This stage combined with rebellion is not easy. Lean into your support system to help you stay emotionally balanced and to maintain perspective as you guide your preteen into the teen years.
The preteen years are critical years in a child’s life. In this age range, you still have a tremendous amount of influence on your children’s perceptions and life. Yet there’s a stark reality. As parents, you are increasingly competing with other influences and messages in a child’s mind.
Even though there are lots of incredible things happening emotionally, mentally, physically, and relationally there are also lots of misinterpretations and insecurities that can derail your child’s confidence and growth.
As a mum, however, you can have an incredibly profound and long-lasting impact in the life of your preteens. But they need to make an investment of time and energy. Preteens are going through some physical, mental, emotional, and relational changes that can make life challenging.
What Can Mums Give Their Preteens?
Here are four very helpful gifts you can give your preteens to help them continue to develop and grow. As you read, consider how you challenge, encourage, and support your preteen in meaningful and intentional ways.
1. Playfulness, Humour, and Affection
Firstly, give your playfulness, humour, and loving smile. Preteens are more prone to stress than they have been in any of their previous developmental stages. They need laughter and playfulness to even out the stresses, insecurities, and worries they are increasingly wrestling with.
As a mum, your playfulness will bring life, memories, and peacefulness to their home and their preteen’s world. Anxiety, depression, and loneliness have all increased in the past couple of decades and children can benefit from their mum’s playful and contagious smile. Playfulness opens the imagination and attachment.
2. Structure and Order
Secondly, you can give structure and order. Children, even though they may get upset or complain, do best with having consistent and loving organisation and rules. Structure can be calming to a chaotic preteen brain.
Mums help build incredibly helpful habits academically and in everyday life that teens will thank them for in future years. Structure and order tend to be imperfect and challenging. Mums just need to be steadfast in modelling and teaching these essential life skills to preteens as often as possible. Mums can help kids be successful by giving them the gift of responsibilities and helping her children learn to serve others through work.
3. Wisdom and Guidance
Next, you can provide wisdom and guidance. Preteens need their mother’s intuitive guidance as they prepare to navigate the confusing and difficult days ahead. The preteen years can bring an onslaught of temptations and distractions.
Mums can lead their preteens through essential conversations and by providing life-giving correction and guidance along the way. Preteens will fail and will disappoint others. Mums can teach her children to see beyond performance and beyond behaviours and to learn to see life through a lens of wisdom.
4. Warmth and Sensitivity
Finally, you can freely give your warmth, nurture, and sensitivity. Preteens struggle with endless insecurities and a sudden surge of negative thoughts. Warmth from a mum can help ease the impact of these thoughts and emotions and can provide security and fuel for self-confidence.
Mums can provide affection and a listening ear as preteens sift through battles in their minds and through moments of failure and rejection. Mums that make themselves available emotionally to their children provide a needed sense of safety for their home.
Final Thoughts on Preteens and Their Mums
This is just a quick snapshot of 4 ways you can have an incredible impact on your preteen’s life. Preteens are full of ideas and are hungry for approval, humour, novelty, and fun. And they can’t wait for the freedoms that come with the teen years.
But are they ready?
This stage combined with rebellion is not easy. Also, lean into your support system to help you stay emotionally balanced and to maintain perspective as you guide your preteen into the teen years.
©2022 Focus on the Family. All rights reserved. Used with permission. Originally published at focusonthefamily.com.
Danny Huerta
Daniel Huerta is the vice president of the Parenting and Youth department at Focus on the Family. In this role, he oversees Focus' initiatives that equip parents to disciple and mentor the next generation, so that they can thrive in Christ.