Here is a sobering thought: The state of your family could disqualify you from the ministry. Heresy and grave sins immediately come to mind when thinking of reasons why a pastor might be disqualified, but make sure to include “household management” on the list. When giving the list of qualifications for elders in the church, Paul writes to Timothy, his younger co-elder:
He (the elder) must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive.
1 Timothy 3:4
Investing in your household is a worthy pursuit, not just for the sake of your family but for the sake of your entire church. If your household is well, the church will have a strong foundation to flourish.
The key word is “well.” By “well,” Paul does not mean that an elder must lead his household into sinless perfection. This qualification is not about achieving heaven in the home. Pastor/dad, mum, and children all share the same sinful nature. Children, by nature, will test the limits of their parents. They will push boundaries, tease siblings, sneak biscuits, and so on. Pastors have their own sinful struggles. “Well” does not mean that sin is never present.
At the core, a ministry household is like any other Christian family. A family is saved by grace, not works (Ephesians 2:8-9), and therefore, one of the great values in a ministry household should be “love covers a multitude of sin.” (1 Peter 4:8)
By this household qualification, Paul is not demanding the complete mortification of all sin in a family before a man enters the ministry. If so, who would be qualified? Certainly not the pastor writing this blog!
Most reasonable people can look at a ministry family and quickly notice if a household is “well” or “unwell.” It’s not rocket science. When a pastor leads a household “well,” there is clear, noticeable fruit throughout the family that adorns the gospel he is preaching each Sunday. In our minds, we can think of specific families worth emulating. The entire dynamic of the family demonstrates Christian health. Sadly, we can think of others who, while truly Christian, are stumbling blocks that keep people from hearing clearly what the pastor is preaching on Sunday morning.
– In a “well” household, there is a warmth between the husband and wife. In an “unwell” household” the marriage has grown cold and stale.
In a “well” household, parents expect obedience from their children. The expectation is that children will listen to mum and dad the first time and then obey with a happy heart. “Unwell” households have parents who plead with children to obey as the children are running the opposite way.
In a “well” household, the basic moral teachings of the Christian faith are prized and lived out. “Unwell” households are full of compromises with the world that diminish godliness. How finances are managed, what shows are watched, and what kinds of language are used all provide a proper diagnosis concerning the “wellness” of an elder’s household.
The wellness of a household is very important. After commanding the elder to manage his household, Paul explains why.
If someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church?
1 Timothy 3:5
The church is the household of God, the institution that God has established on this side of eternity in which we live out the values of the kingdom. The church is both formal and informal, institutional and organic. In the church, there are fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters in the Lord. Of course, God is the ultimate Father in the church household, with Jesus as the great elder brother and shepherd. Yet, God leads the church through men set apart for gospel ministry. He leads through under-shepherds—through elders.
With that in mind, why would a man be qualified to lead the house of God if he cannot lead his own house? It makes no sense. Paul is making an argument from the lesser to the greater. He who had been entrusted with little will be entrusted with much.
A serious orthodox pastor will be zealous to sniff out faulty doctrine and craft sermons that preach the full council of God. This is imperative to our calling as pastors.
With the same fervour, we must also ensure we are investing in our families.
Regularly ask yourself these types of questions:
Does your family get your best or your leftovers?
Would outsiders describe your marriage as warm or cold?
Is your household in good order, full of children who are taught the content of the faith and obedience to it?
And here is the most important question:
Is your household a good template—joyful, healthy, loving, quick to forgive, serious to obey, living for the glory of God type of household, so that a local church built off it will be equally healthy? Or does your household provide a shaky foundation that undermines God’s desire for a local church?
Caring for your family is not a distraction to the mission of your local church. It’s an investment in the foundation. Don’t neglect this important work. There will always be a never-ending to-do list at church. If you are waiting for the moment of no ministry work so that you can finally focus on your family, you will be waiting as long as it takes for Jesus to return. And while that return will be gloriously good, you might lose your family and ministry in the process.
Close the computer. Limit the meetings. Care for your wife. Do the work of discipling your kids, which will often include disciplining your kids. Manage your household.
In the long run, your church will thank you for it.
©2024 Jon Saunders. Originally published on thefocusedpastor.org.
Jon Saunders
Jon is married to Vanessa and is father of Lillian, Eleanor, Henry, Marion and Katherine. He is a graduate of Michigan State University and Calvin Theological Seminary. He formerly served at University Reformed Church in East Lansing, Mich., as the pastor of campus ministry, before moving to Detroit to help with the planting of Redeemer.