Now more than ever, pastors need to teach and preach on marriage. It has been nearly 7 years since our government changed the definition of marriage nationally. Following the 2017 Australian Marriage Law Postal Survey and subsequent Marriage amendment, there is no doubt that same-sex marriage on a national scale has caused more confusion than ever on what marriage is and why it is sacred.
The realisation that the children and teenagers in my church are growing up in a culture that believes that marriage is a squishy concept that one can mould like play-dough has changed my view of preaching on marriage. I have committed to preaching at least one sermon a year on marriage and holding a marriage class for couples at least every other year. Of course, teaching on marriage and marriage enrichment happens in other ways in the church, such as counselling, sharing a podcast or article, encouraging couples to go on a marriage retreat, and discussing marriage as part of Bible studies or application in small groups. But this minimum threshold of one sermon a year and a specific marriage class every other year ensures that I’m teaching the people in my church what God has to say about marriage.
During one of these sermons last year, I read a children’s book about marriage to the kids before they left for Children’s Church. I decided that if some libraries hold drag queen story time, we need to have pastor story time that teaches God’s truth about marriage to children. Do your church’s families, children, teens, and singles know basic biblical truths about marriage that will impact their worldview and life decisions?
Here are three truths about marriage that pastors must regularly teach in our generation.
1. Teach that Marriage was Created by God
It is significant that the Bible opens with a wedding and closes with a wedding. God created marriage to be so big that it has multiple purposes. Marriage is intended to be a blessing to both husband and wife, to children and the extended family, and to society as a whole. At the same time, God created marriage to be a quiet pointer to his love for his people. The marriage covenant points to the New Covenant love of Christ for his people.
The people in our churches need to have a firm grasp on the fact that because God created marriage, it is “sacred.” It is holy and not our invention. God has the patent on marriage and knows how it works best. Because God has embedded marriage in the culture as a quiet pointer to the gospel, it is a gospel issue. Because God intends marriage to bless spouses and families, it is also a deeply personal establishment that impacts day-to-day life. God created marriage to bear the weight of cosmic realities and the mundane. Marriage matters because the Creator infused it with purpose.
2. Teach that Marriage is a Good Relationship to Pursue
Although the Australian population has doubled in size since the early 1970’s, the number of marriages registered each year has not increased over this time. The yearly number has instead fluctuated between 100,000 and 120,000. The number of marriages registered in 2019 (113,815) was lower than in 1970 (116,066). A recent US study of high school seniors showed that fewer and fewer young adults believe that they will get married. This is not a problem in the church if single Christians believe that God is calling them to be single (1 Corinthians 7:7), or if they want to be married but God has not opened that door for them yet. Singleness can be an honourable marital status. Pastors must handle this delicately so that we don’t cross biblical lines or discourage singles who are faithful to the Lord. Yet it is a problem when fear of marriage, lack of discipleship, or unwillingness to follow God’s sexual ethic is the reason for the decline in marriage.
Pastors have a role in teaching the beautiful, God-created vision for marriage that we find in the Bible. We have a God-ordained role to push back cynicism against marriage that has developed due to rampant divorce, lack of hope, and unbiblical sexual ethics being accepted by professing Christians. It’s still good for the church to hear their pastor say in a sermon or class that sex outside of marriage is wrong and that cohabitation is not a biblically allowed arrangement. Church members need to hear their pastor say sometimes that God can supply grace for any situation in marriage. Marriage is still “honourable among all” (Hebrews 13:4).
3. Teach Couples the Importance of Investing in Their Marriages
Of course, all of the theology about marriage in the world will fall on deaf ears to the children and teens in your church and the watching world if the married couples in your church are not investing in their own marriages. God calls us to think biblically about marriage and for the church to model godly marriage.
Teach couples to pursue each other in their marriages, just as Jesus always pursues us. The possibilities are almost endless. For example, teach the basics of communication (Ephesians 4:25-32, Proverbs), a theology of sex, and a positive understanding of biblical roles in marriage. Take the time to share some of what you plan to teach about marriage with your wife, remembering that God gave her to you partly to help you (Genesis 2:18). Her input could be invaluable in better understanding and taking into account some of the struggles women have in marriage.
Another benefit of teaching on marriage is that it naturally serves as accountability in your marriage. Make sure you invest in your marriage before you teach others to do so! God does not call pastors to have perfect marriages, but growing marriages that reflect the love of Jesus (1 Timothy 3:2, Ephesians 5:22-33).
Some of the “teaching” on marriage in your church will come from what others observe about your own marriage. Is there joy and Christ-like love or unresolved conflict that is often simmering under the surface? When my wife and I attended a three-day marriage retreat last year, I hadn’t thought about the encouragement it might have to other couples until I announced on a Sunday morning that we would be gone the next Sunday as we attended a marriage retreat. So many came up to me afterward, encouraged that we were getting away to invest in our marriage. I have had couples tell me they won’t attend a marriage class or retreat because their marriage is ok.
Modelling investment in your marriage breaks down any stigma associated with marriage enrichment as being for couples with “huge problems.”
Maybe it’s time to take one Sunday this year and preach about marriage as God designed it. The culture is constantly teaching your flock about marriage. Are you?
[1] Bachman, Bethany. “Cultural Lies About Marriage: Refuting Them and Offering Hope.” Faith-Family-Freedom (Family Research Council), Spring 2024, p. 12.
[2] VerBruggen, Robert. “Fewer High School Seniors See Marriage in Their Future.” Institute For Family Studies. https://ifstudies.org/blog/fewer-high-school-seniors-see-marriage-in-their-future.
©2024 Tim Counts. Used with permission.