- Start with the "Why"
4. Surviving an Affair
5. How to Forgive
6. To Heal, Immerse Yourself in Recovery
7. Create a New Normal
There are a lot of couples who would like to improve their marriage, but they don’t know where to start. If that sounds like you, here’s an idea you might find helpful: don’t begin with the “how”; start with the “why.” That’s the way to get at the heart of the matter; and the heart, as Scripture tells us many times, is the thing that matters most in the eyes of God (1 Samuel 16:7).
When your marriage is in crisis, it can be overwhelming. You and your spouse probably have a lengthy list of complaints about one another, and neither of you knows how to resolve them, or if you should even try. If you find yourselves in that position, it’s important to put first things first.
Most couples spend a lot of energy thinking through how to fix their marriage. Those details are important, of course, because couples do need practical solutions to their problems. But the mechanics of fixing a relationship won’t typically breathe life back into your marriage.
So, in addition to the nuts and bolts, give special attention to the why. Think about the reasons you fell in love in the first place. What were the dreams you once held for your relationship together? What do you hope your marriage could look like if it were healthy and whole?
While you’re pondering these questions, don’t forget to include prayer and Bible study as part of the therapeutic process. Scripture says that the Word of God is “able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart” (Hebrews 4:12), and it’s precisely these “thoughts and intentions” that the “why” questions are designed to uncover. If you seek Him diligently, the Lord will help you discern the underlying issues that are preventing you from putting your relationship back on a solid footing. It can also be extremely beneficial to engage the assistance of a trained Christian therapist or marriage counsellor who knows how to look at marital problems from a spiritual point of view.
Answers to the “why” questions are what revive desire between a husband and wife, and desire is the thing that drives passion and romance. They also motivate couples to work hard at healing their relationship. As the well-known saying goes, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” It’s true in life, and it’s true in rebuilding a marriage as well.
A peaceful heart leads to a healthy body;
jealousy is like cancer in the bones.