The house seemed to rattle as Cindy’s angry 14-year-old slammed the kitchen door behind her. Cindy sat at the table replaying the 20-minute conversation she’d just had with her daughter.
Later, Cindy asked me, “What am I doing wrong? It feels like our relationship just doesn’t matter to my daughter anymore.” I had been counselling Cindy for several months as she worked to navigate the complexities of parenting a teenager.
“Cindy, your relationship does matter to her,” I reassured her. “In fact, many teens say their parents are the most influential role models in their lives.” Cindy paused a moment, digesting the information.
Then she took a deep breath and asked, “So how can I be what she needs right now?” Every mother asks questions like this at some point in her parenting journey. Mothers want to make a difference in their kids’ lives, but how, exactly?
Mother-daughter relationships
Mothers play an essential role in nurturing, guiding, shaping and challenging their daughters to become the women God created them to be. When a mother creates a safe space for her daughter to learn, grow and express herself, the emotional, spiritual and physical bond that forms between them is powerful.
This bond is nurtured through daily conversations, shared experiences and heartfelt connections, as well as a listening ear and simple affirmations such as “I love you,” “You can do this” and “I’m so proud of you.” A mother’s affirmation and encouragement can have a lasting impact on a girl, instilling the self-esteem and confidence she needs to build a healthy and secure identity.
Guidance and a listening ear
As girls navigate the complexities of growing up—struggling with school, relationships, puberty, social media or faith issues—they may turn to their mothers for guidance, a listening ear or a comforting hug. Emotional availability and active listening help foster trust and demonstrate that a daughter’s thoughts and feelings are valued.
I once counselled a teen girl, Sarah, who felt overwhelmed by school pressures and her shifting social circle. She told me her mother seemed too busy to notice her struggles. As we explored their relationship, it became clear that her mother loved her deeply but was caught up in her own work stress and had missed the signs of Sarah’s distress.
During a session with both, I suggested a simple practice: setting aside 10 minutes a day for uninterrupted conversation. No phones, no distractions—just the two of them. At first, it felt awkward to them, but gradually, these moments became something they both looked forward to. Sarah started sharing more about her day, and her mother learned to listen without offering immediate solutions—just being present.
When a mother offers her presence, she creates a safe space for her daughter to share how she’s feeling. A mother’s wisdom, spiritual insight and experience can positively influence her daughter during her formative years, if mums first nurture a connection.
Intentional spaces
Safety and security are foundational for a child’s well-being. When a mother creates an environment where her daughter feels physically and emotionally safe to express her thoughts and feelings, it opens the door for a deeper, more trusting relationship. Mothers can also cultivate a sense of security by modelling trust in God’s steadfast presence and protection.
I worked with a young girl, Lily, who struggled with anxiety after a bullying incident at school. She felt unsafe and had difficulty sharing her fears with her mum, who unknowingly brushed them off as minor issues. In our sessions, I encouraged her mother to create an intentional space for Lily to talk about her worries, offering validation. Once Lily felt her emotions were safe and accepted, her trust in sharing her life with her mum grew.
By doing this, Lily’s mother also began teaching her daughter about healthy boundaries. We talked about how important it was for Lily to learn to stand up for herself and set limits with others—something her mother started modelling at home. As they both leaned into their faith and prayed together for strength, Lily began to feel more secure, not just in their relationship but in also facing the world with confidence.
In an unsafe world, it’s essential that mothers teach their daughters how to protect themselves and establish healthy physical, emotional and spiritual boundaries. This enables them to step out with greater confidence and security, knowing they are not alone in their struggles.
Mother-son relationships
It’s beautiful when a young boy runs into his mother’s arms for love and comfort. The emotional bond between them is unique and profoundly influential. Sons rely on their mothers for emotional support and regulation, which shapes their emotional intelligence.
A mother’s unconditional and nurturing love fosters the development of healthy emotions. When a mother provides a safe space for her son to grow, explore the world and express himself, she helps him build emotional, spiritual and mental resilience. Her comfort, encouragement and teaching are invaluable for her son’s development, instilling confidence, problem-solving skills and an optimistic outlook on life.
I worked with a mother whose son, Alex, often became overwhelmed with anger when things didn’t go his way, especially during sports practices. Instead of rushing to calm him down or dismiss his feelings, I encouraged her to first acknowledge his emotions and then help him understand what he was feeling.
One day, after a tough game, Alex came home upset. His mother knelt down and offered him space to talk, instead of trying to fix the situation. She asked him how he felt and what he thought he could do next time. This simple moment of emotional support allowed Alex to process his frustration and calm down. Over time, these types of interactions helped Alex become more emotionally resilient.
Like girls, boys often learn about God from their parents, who guide them toward the kind of men He created them to be. Through emotional support and teaching emotional regulation, mothers in particular not only help their sons handle life’s challenges, but also lead them to a deeper trust in God’s guidance and strength.
Guidance and setting an example
A mother’s positive relational impact plays a crucial role in shaping her son’s understanding of manhood and guiding him toward living an ethical life. Her wisdom and guidance help him navigate the challenges of life and the complexities of becoming a man of integrity, purpose and compassion. Mothers who model strength, responsibility and empathy set a powerful example for their sons to follow.
Christian mothers also instill moral and ethical values in their sons by teaching and modelling honesty, gentleness, kindness and the importance of faith. These lessons are crucial for developing well-rounded men with a moral compass.
Another key role mothers play in the lives of their sons is modelling value and respect. Learning the importance of these qualities early in life helps to shape a boy’s identity and relationships. When a mother shows her son that she values and respects him, he learns to value and respect others.
Safety and protection
Instilling a sense of physical and emotional safety is vital for a boy’s overall well-being. A mother’s affirmation and emotional support help her son develop a secure attachment, which lays a solid foundation for life and healthy relationships. Teaching boys about personal safety and boundaries early in life also equips them to navigate the world with confidence, wisdom, self-control and respect.
Mums and kids
Preparing children for life and helping them grow into emotionally and spiritually healthy adults is a special calling. The most profound and enduring influence a mother can have in her children’s lives is modelling her faith in the Lord and leading them into a personal relationship with Christ. Living out her faith authentically in daily life is the most powerful example she can set, along with prayer, regular family devotions and church involvement.
Mothers can enhance their influence by embracing open communication and modelling Christian values. But the greatest gift a mother can give her children is instilling a sense that they are deeply loved and of immense worth to the God who created them for a special purpose.
© 2025 Dr. Mark Mayfield. Used with permission. Originally published in the April/May 2025 issue of Focus on the Family magazine.
Dr Mark A. Mayfield
Dr. Mark Mayfield is a former pastor, a licensed professional counsellor and founder and CEO of Mayfield Counselling Centres. He has more than 14 years of professional counselling experience in clinical, judicial, and faith-based counselling settings across a wide range of patient demographics. Mayfield has professional experience in treating and addressing anxiety, depression, and PTSD, substance abuse, domestic violence, self-injury, and suicide. He is passionate about the integration of faith and mental health and especially equipping pastors and leaders to be frontline mental and emotional health caregivers. Dr. Mayfield lives in Texas with his wife of 17 years and their three children.