After a whirlwind of packing, settling our children, and hugging everyone goodbye, it’s just me and my husband, Scott. There’s always a mental checklist: did we pack our daughter’s favourite stuffed animal? Yes. How about toothbrushes? Hopefully. After taking a couple deep breaths, we drive to the airport.

Getting away to a pastors’ conference with your spouse might feel daunting—or nearly impossible—in your season. Maybe finding childcare is challenging, your work schedule feels crazy, or finances are tight. You wonder, “Is it really worth all the effort involved?”

I get it, and for a variety of reasons, I haven’t always been able to join my husband either. However, during Scott’s pastoral ministry, I have gone many times, and I’ve always been glad when I did. The rich teaching, unhurried prayer and singing, conversations with other couples, and time connecting with my husband have been truly refreshing and life-giving.

If you’re on the fence, here are three reasons to consider attending a pastors’ conference with your spouse this year, even if it requires some extra planning. In one package, a conference offers (1) time with the Lord, (2) time with your spouse, and (3) time with other pastors and their wives.

1. Time with the Lord

Especially with a full church calendar, it’s easy to slip into the habit of reading God’s Word for the sole purpose of serving others; we can find ourselves praying with church members’ needs in mind primarily. While service is a priority for the pastoral couple that regularly invests in a multitude of people, it’s important to set aside time for personal spiritual nourishment, too.

Many pastors’ conferences are designed for this. Messages are prepared to encourage pastors and their wives. There’s time for those who regularly minister to others to have a safe space to share their own burdens and receive care (Galatians 6:2). Stepping away from the church context allows time to engage with the Lord with fewer interruptions (see Jesus’s example in Matthew 15:23).

For example, in one particularly difficult year in our family life, I joined my husband at a pastors’ conference for the primary purpose of extended time with the Lord. While Scott attended the sessions, I stayed in our hotel room to read Scripture, pray, grieve, and write in my journal. During breaks, my husband and I walked and talked about what we were both learning, and God used that getaway to catalyse healing.

2. Time with Your Spouse

Even if you prioritise a weekly or monthly date night with your spouse, something about stepping away completely from a physical location—your town, church building, and sometimes even home—allows you to be intentional with one another. These injunctions come to mind: “Come with me . . .” and “Come, my beloved, / let us go . . .” from Song of Solomon 4:8 and 7:11. Despite the stress sometimes involved in getting out the door, Scott and I find that even the travel to a conference is usually fun. It helps us disengage from our daily tasks and responsibilities. Until we’re away, we don’t always realise how needed the change of scenery, pace, and time together truly is.

In contrast, Scott has attended a pastors’ conference some years alone. Though still beneficial, in a space designed for couples, it’s just not the same. It’s much better if we can go together. When we do, it totally changes the dynamic; not only does Scott not end up feeling a bit lost in a group setting, but we’re both nourished by the ministry times and can process them together. Meals are also much more enjoyable when we’re together—whether it’s just the two of us or with another couple.

3. Time with Other Pastors and Wives

This leads to my third reason why you should consider joining your spouse. Though filled with people, ministry life can be lonely for many couples for a variety of reasons. A pastors’ conference offers a unique context in which you can connect (and sometimes reconnect) with other couples with similar experiences and challenges.

Over the years, I’m so grateful for my friendships with other pastors’ wives. They get it, whether “it” is raising pastors’ kids, dealing with criticism from congregants, balancing home life with ministry life, or looking to build women’s ministry in the church. A conference is a great place to make a new friend, encourage a younger pastor’s wife, and glean wisdom from a more experienced one. You’ll likely find that you can cry and laugh about many of the same things.

The Real Value of a Pastors’ Conference

These days, many pastors are running on empty. They need to “find rest for [their] souls” in Jesus and the gospel (Matthew 11:29), just as they preach to their churches. They must refresh and restore themselves “beside still waters” (Psalm 23:2). As a pastor’s wife, I want that for my husband, and I want to be part of helping him find that.

The real value of a pastors’ conference is hard to measure. Often, it’s what you make of it and what you put into it. Ideally, though, it offers this kind of spiritual rest and refreshment. It allows a pastoral couple to step away from the nitty-gritty details of church needs and situations to see the big picture, the end goal of pastoral ministry. It offers space to reflect and connect—with the Lord, one another, and other pastors and wives. Ultimately, it feeds shepherds so they are equipped and re-envisioned to feed the flock.

It might require some extra planning, but for these reasons and more, attending a pastors’ conference with your spouse is worth it.

© 2024 Katie Faris. Used with permission. Originally published at TheFocusedPastor.com.

Katie Faris

Katie Faris is a pastor’s wife and mother of five living in New Jersey. She is the author of God Is Still Good: Gospel Hope & Comfort for the Unexpected Sorrows of Motherhood. Learn more at katiefaris.com

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