Tired of reacting and ready to parent with purpose? These 7 traits can help you break unhealthy habits and build a life-giving rhythm at home.
Parenting is hard—and when things go wrong, it can feel heartbreaking and hopeless. But there is hope. These seven traits offer a powerful, biblically grounded way to break free from harmful parenting patterns and replace them with life-giving habits rooted in God’s truth.
Not long ago, my wife and I were sitting in the home of two devastated parents. Their son—raised in a Christian home—was facing jail time. As we prayed and cried together, they asked the question we’ve heard many times before: “How did this happen?”
After years of walking with families through pain, I’ve learned something vital: the turning point in a young person’s life doesn’t usually begin with the big, bad decision. It starts long before—with everyday choices that shape character, or fail to. That’s where we, as parents, can make the greatest difference.
7 Traits of Effective Parenting
No parent is perfect. But the good news is that we don’t have to be—we just need to be faithful. God restores broken people and equips us with tools to help our children develop the wisdom and character they’ll need to thrive.
For centuries, Christians have taught that virtue can replace vice—and that wise decisions can be learned. These seven biblical traits are more than ideals; they are deeply practical habits that can help us raise children who make wise, God-honouring choices.
Each of these traits, found in the free 7 Traits of Effective Parenting Assessment, reflects God’s heart and can reshape our homes with grace, purpose, and strength.
1. Love: Showing Up with Sacrifice
The apostle John reminds us that we learn love by looking at the way God loves us. His love isn’t just a feeling—it’s sacrificial. “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son…” (1 John 4:10).
Take a moment to think about where your love shows up. Where do you spend your time? What do you protect and prioritise? Kids notice what really matters to us, and they quickly learn what love looks like by watching how we love others.
God’s love calls us to show up with consistency and commitment, even when it’s hard. It’s the kind of love that keeps going long after the warm feelings fade. When we reflect that kind of love in our parenting, our kids catch a glimpse of God’s heart—and they start to reflect it back.
2. Respect: Seeing the Value in Every Child
The apostle Paul writes that we should think like Christ and treat others as more important than ourselves (Philippians 2:3). Respect recognises the best in people. It is more than acknowledging a child’s accomplishments. Children and teens are worthy of respect because God created them and loves them.
Respect teaches us not to treat others as unimportant. Nothing hurts a child more than being treated as if he is useless, and almost nothing encourages him more than being respected and valued.
One way to show respect to your family is to watch your language. Refuse to use cruel language — whether directed toward family members in your home or outsiders. Our language habits really do influence our ability to model respect to our children.
3. Intentionality: Living with Purpose, Not Passivity
Being intentional means talking about and living out our values and priorities before allowing other influences into our home. This trait nurtures a consistency in family life that reinforces the other traits. When parents are intentional, they grow in wisdom and are able to keep their focus on how they act as believing parents (Colossians 1:10).
It is easy to be passive and let media and other influences set our family’s priorities, but it’s more effective to pay careful attention to how we live our lives. This is intentionality: making decisions as parents about how we will own the spiritual atmosphere in our homes.
4. Boundaries and Limits: Protecting What Matters Most
Healthy boundaries aren’t about control—they’re about freedom. They create safe spaces where kids can grow, explore, and learn without chaos taking over. As Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend put it, boundaries help us “let good things in and keep bad things out.”
Hebrews 12:1 reminds us to throw off anything that holds us back. That’s exactly what good boundaries do. They help us clear the clutter—whether it’s unfiltered media, toxic relationships, or habits that steal peace from our home.
Setting boundaries might feel hard at first, especially when culture pushes in with its own loud opinions. But when we choose to protect our kids with wisdom and love, we teach them how to guard their hearts, too. It’s one of the greatest gifts we can give them.
5. Gratitude: Cultivating a Heart That Sees the Good
Gratitude isn’t just saying “thank you.” It’s a way of seeing—of noticing God’s goodness even when life doesn’t feel perfect. In Philippians 1:3-4, Paul opens his letter with thankfulness, even while facing hardship. That’s the power of a grateful heart.
When families practice gratitude together—by naming blessings at dinner, praying with thankfulness, or writing notes of appreciation—we teach our kids to focus on what’s right, not just what’s wrong.
And over time, gratitude becomes a habit that pushes out entitlement and selfishness. It softens hearts, strengthens relationships, and draws us closer to the God who gives every good gift.
6. Grace and Forgiveness: Leading with Mercy, Not Perfection
Let’s be honest—grace and forgiveness aren’t easy. But they’re essential. God didn’t wait for us to clean up our act before He extended forgiveness. “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8).
In parenting, we get daily opportunities to model that kind of grace. When we mess up (and we will), we can admit it. When our kids mess up, we can choose mercy over shame. Forgiveness breaks cycles of guilt and resentment and creates space for healing.
Grace doesn’t ignore sin—it acknowledges it, then chooses love anyway. And when kids grow up in a home where forgiveness is real, they don’t just feel safer—they learn how to extend that grace to others.
7. Adaptability: Finding Peace When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned
Life rarely goes exactly how we expect. And our kids are watching how we respond when things fall apart. Paul wrote from prison that he had “learned the secret of being content in any and every situation” (Philippians 4:12). That kind of peace isn’t circumstantial—it’s rooted in trust.
Adaptability teaches our kids to stay grounded in God’s truth, even when life gets messy. It helps them become flexible, resilient, and full of faith instead of fear. And that starts with us modelling it—by staying calm during change, by trusting God in uncertainty, by reminding our families that God is still in control.
When kids grow up in a home where peace and trust are lived out—even during trials—they’re equipped to handle whatever comes next.
Final Thoughts: Good Traits, Good Decisions
God’s wisdom gives us more than a list of rules—it gives us a way of life. These seven traits aren’t quick fixes, but they are powerful habits that can shape your home, your kids’ hearts, and your legacy.
The truth is, your child’s future isn’t just shaped in the big moments—it’s formed in the everyday choices, the quiet lessons, and the example you set. And when we live out these traits by God’s grace, we offer our children a glimpse of the abundant life Jesus promised.
© 2025, 2017 Phil Steiger. All rights reserved. Used with permission. Originally published at focusonthefamily.com.
Phil Steiger
Phil and his wife Heather have been part of Colorado Springs all their lives and are driven by the biblical mandate to make disciples. They take joy in watching God at work in the lives of his people. Heather is ordained with the Assemblies of God. Phil graduated from the University of Colorado, Colorado Springs and then from Denver Seminary with an MA in Philosophy of Religion.